For the Novices Out There: 10 Ways to Make a Baby Happy

1. Let her chew on your face.
2. Leave her bare-butt. (It is just pee-pee. You might as well get used to it.)
3. Hold the kitty down so she can rip out fistfuls of her fur.
4. Let her hold you down and rip out fistfuls of your hair.
5. Disappear and reappear multiple times, preferably making a nonsensical exclamation (e.g. “Boogedy!”) upon reappearance.
6. Throw her in the air repeatedly until she spits up in your mouth.
7. Walk, walk, walk. DO NOT SIT, EVER! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!
8. Cure-all: The Change of Pace. If you are inside, go out. If you are outside, go in. If she is dry, jump in the shower. You get the picture.
9. Visibly and audibly share her enthusiasm for her toots.
10. Speaking of which (this one is just for the moo-cow): Do not eat too much broccoli.

You're welcome.