Here's how the triathlon training is going: NOT. I can only run 2.5 miles at a time (per my PT guy's instructions), I haven't gone swimming in, gulp, two months, and my wee bike is dusty on its hanger-hook. I'm not worried about finishing the race; after two natural labors, I know I could slog through the whole thing with my kids tied to my back, but I had visions of being a bit zoomy this time. Of not flailing through the water like a drunken idiot. Of maybe placing in my age group. Oh well, I'm always up for a nice round of public humiliation.

Got me some new running sneakers, oh yeah, and at least I will float through my runs on wings. I suddenly realized that running camp is in TWO WEEKS. And I can only run 2.5 MILES. ACK. I won this trip to running camp last year, by writing a short essay on why a trip to camp would change my life. The piece I submitted likely got picked because the judges were afraid I would injure my children if they didn't send me away from them for a week; also, there were only two other entries. I got news that I'd won when I was in the depths of the mysterious Dengue Fever and had a left leg the size and mobility of a grass-fattened hog. To add to the humor of the situation, I was high on Vicodin when I got the phone call: "Hello, Linnie?" "Mmmmmm…" "Congratulations! You've won the running camp contest!" "Can't…walk…ug." When I called the camp director to ask if I could cash my prize in this year instead, the woman who answered sounded like a child. I really almost said, "Can I talk to your mom?" which would have at least established that I am a bumbling idiot; now I have to wait until they meet me for them to find out. But anyway, I just know she's one of these wee, twig-like super-fast runners next to whom I will feel and look much like an asthmatic hippopotamus. You know how hippos turn bright pink in the heat because all the blood rushes to the surface of their skin? I do that exact same thing when I run.

Ah, the joys of summer never cease. Here's a toast to imminent public humiliation!